how do i say this? some points in your life you just lose the need to pen down your thoughts. some times it just rushes in like a wave.

i've been stuck in army for quite a while and caught up in this rather routine cycle of just surviving through exercises and outfields day after day. and i guess i just lost my way. even as i was trying to do all the things that i had previously thought of as leading a balanced lifestyle, i lost sight of why i wanted to do all those things. it was coldly goal oriented and mindless. i bathed my dog, but it was a mission and not a game. i went out with my mum to spend more time with her, but it was simply a box on my checklist to tick.

then this long weekend came and i had time to just stop.

i met up with groups of friends i hadn't met for so long. i went to times and browsed through books, just like old times. i bought some self-help books (it somehow sounds so pathetic when i put it like that haha), bought some nice story books. i read that article about the sing doc that got stage 4 terminal lung cancer, i listened to some quiet indie music. my girlfriend told me about how she was reading up on this atrocious child prostitution thing going around in the world. and suddenly it all came back. like it all just came back to me.

and suddenly army training is not so mindless anymore because i know what horrors im protecting my loved ones from. suddenly i remember myself and my life.

i'm going downstairs to hug my mum. hahaha

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